CPR, Dummies, Health
by Yorozuya Gin-san
Summary: [OshiAto, dirty] Oh great, Hyoutei is learning CPR. What would happen? [warning: yaoi, CPR, bad puns, Jiroh]


CPR, Dummies, Health

Request by darkmage009, I hope you enjoy it!

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Miss Hikari sighed. Just because she's jobless doesn't mean she has to teach at Hyoutei... or so she thought. Too bad for her, the only job she could _find_ was a job at Hyoutei. Poor woman... 

"Ok class, we'll be learning about CPR for health class today," she announced as happily as she could. Of course, with Mukahi Gakuto, and Akutagawa Jiroh in the same room, she _really_ couldn't. "I will announce the partners, so everyone please settle down."

The room became quiet. _Finally_. She tried her best to smile. "Ok, let's see... Atobe-kun, you're paired up with Oshitari-kun. Oh, and good! You two would be perfect as examples!"

Atobe raised a brow. "If this includes Ore-sama doing anything that would be demeaning to him, he would not and will not do it." He said sternly.

"OI! OI! Wait a minute!" Gakuto shouted. "Does this include Yuushi _kissing_ Atobe in anyway?" He asked. "Because I _certainly_ wouldn't allow that! Yuushi should be _my_ partner!!"

Oshitari sighed. "Sensei, don't people usually use those fake people for CPR? So wouldn't that mean I'm not kissing anyone?"

Miss Hikari just had one of the smartest (and somewhat perverted) idea in a while! Actually, in seven years, because we _all_ know that teaching at Hyoutei _isn't_ a smart idea. "Hmm, I forgot to take the dummies (Gakuto started chuckling when she said that) today, so you should just go and kiss Atobe-kun. I hope this isn't your first kiss!"

Gakuto started to glare at Miss Hikari. "Why can't Atobe and I switch places?"

Shishido laughed. "Because it wouldn't be as funny, DUH. Sensei, go for it! I'm rooting for ya all the way!" He said, smirking.

Gakuto punched Shishido in the right arm (since he was sitting _right_ next to him! PTH...) and shouted, "Are you stupid? Yuushi! Don't even _think_ about kissing Atobe! He probably smells like garbage and kisses like a dog with no tongue!"

"A dog with no tongue?" Atobe repeated. "Ore-sama doesn't kiss like a dog, Gakuto. You would faint from Ore-sama's amazing kisses and come back for more as if it were a drug, because Ore-sama's kisses are that amazing. They make people melt from their spot, filled with the happiness that they have kissed Ore-sama, Atobe Keigo."

"..."

"What. The. Hell." Was all Shishido could say.

"Whoa, that was deep." Gakuto said, nodding.

Shishido just scooted away from Gakuto.

Miss Hikari sweat dropped. "L-let's start the lesson, ok?" She asked. "Ok, you guys probably learned about CPR a bit from last year, Oshitari-kun, why not you show us what your learned?" She told Atobe to pretend to be a fallen person in need of CPR.

"Hnph, be awed by Ore-sama's awesome acting skills." Atobe said before he pretended to fall _dramatically_ on the ground. Everyone was silent, some were sweat dropping.

"Ok, Oshitari-kun, what is the first thing you should do?" Miss Hikari asked.

Oshitari thought about it. "Make sure the area is safe so that _I _won't kill myself?"

Miss Hikari smiled for real this time. See? Oshitari can make people _smile_. "Very good, Oshitari-kun."

"Oi! Just let Atobe get run over by a car!" Gakuto yelled from his desk. The red head smirked. "That way, you don't _have_ to save Atobe!"

Oshitari ignored Atobe and continued. "Next, I ask if the person is ok, right?" The teacher nodded in approval, so Oshitari gave Atobe a pat, "Hey, are you ok?" He acted as if Atobe was _really_ having a heart attack. Atobe didn't answer, of course, since he was supposed to act unconscious!

"Next, you check if he is breathing." Miss Hikari told the class.

"But he's alive, he's _supposed_ to breath." Once again, Gakuto shouted from his desk. "But if you want me to kill him, I would be happy to!"

Oshitari checked Atobe's breathing, but then he realized something, "Am I supposed to pretend that he's not breathing?" He asked, pushing up his glasses. Miss Hikari nodded. Oshitari sighed, why so much work?

Then he realized something else, "Sensei, do I kiss him!?" He asked.

"Air kiss?" Miss Hikari suggested.

Oshitari sighed in relief. No kissing! No annoying Gakuto! He got closer to Atobe's face. He could already feel the other boy's warm breath. Just when he was going to pretend to kiss Atobe, the door opened surprising Atobe, which made him jump, and you guessed it.

"Sorry! I fell asleep in bathroom seat so I was late for class! Please don't give me detention! I don't want to be in trouble!! I'm sorry!!!" Jiroh wailed. He looked around. "Huh? Why are Oshitari and Atobe kissing on the ground?" He pouted. "Awww! I always miss the good parts!"

Gakuto was spazzing out about how _his_ Yuushi kissed Atobe. He started speaking gibberish from shouting so much. The red head started to shake poor Shishido and shouting about what just happened. Shishido was just getting green from being shaken so much.

Both Oshitari and Atobe stood up and nodded. "This never happened." Oshitari said.

"Agreed." Atobe replied. He wiped his face.

At the end of class, when Gakuto _finally_ left Oshitari alone, he walked to Atobe and said, "Heh, you said your kisses melt people, so why am I still whole?"

Atobe stormed out with a slapped Oshitari. "What a girl..." Oshitari said to himself.

"YUUSHI!!! DON'T LEAVE ME EVER AGAIN!" Gakuto jumped up and glomped Oshitari.

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I hope you liked it darkmage009! 


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